The Hummingbird

I have a hex of incompetence on me that causes me to get viruses (on my computer. Don't be gross..) Give me the best firewall. Lecture me for an hour. Slam my computer with the finest antiviruses and what have you. I'll still get the worst of the worse.

For quite some time I've surprisingly been virus-free, but even more recently, Java has been causing me problems, and just now, I had to take care of a nifty little thing called Windows 7 Security Update 2012 or something like that. It's one of those fake security scanners. I log into my computer this morning thinking to check up on the forums and all of a sudden a thousand windows pop up claiming that everything from Yahoo Messenger to Firefox itself was a virus, and I should really take care of all that now by purchasing it. Fortunately, I was educated enough to know it was all bullshit... and I had another computer five feet away so I could check, and make sure I was right.

One malwarebyte scan and boot-time scan later, it's gone. Looking forward to the forums, I notice my toolbar applications aren't coming up so I try to open them and lo, the executable file can't open and comes up with that doomful thing where it asks me to find which program to open it with. Panic floods me. I must've broken my computer. I did something wrong. I was too late.The virus fucked up my computer. I deleted I wasn't supposed to.

Firefox was one of the few things that opened without throwing a fit. I did some random typing while cursing technology and the Great Saint of Computers, CNET, pops up with a user who fortunately for me, had the same problem and couldn't figure it out on his own.

I was blessed this day. Their advice now has my computer working, as far as I can tell, just fine.

I think it's okay now. I think. i hope. God help me if I'm wrong.

The only reason I didn't drag my boyfriend out of bed to fix everything for me was because waking him up is like trying to move a semi truck with level 1 telekinesis. It's not gonna happen and you're an idiot to try.

This is what happens when you don't know what the internet is until you're 19 years old. Ah, cursed sheltered life.