A work in progress.

[Modulation]

It's been a while now since I started this with a great book in mind, but...here it is.

http://talesfromknoll.blogspot.com/

That, right there, is a prologue to a book that never was. And, for the longest time, I tried to get my head going on it. But I found that I couldn't, and so the project was left unfinished. Unstarted, even. Now, I'm thinking of trying to get it back together in some way, shape, or form, but I'd need some help. Possibly, roleplaying.

Anyway, what do you guys think about this?

[supernal]

Think about what exactly? Are you asking what people think about you attempting the idea again, or to roleplay with you, or to critique what you already have written?

[Modulation]

Well, whatever they think on it. I'd like some critique, and maybe some input as to whether I should try to continue this. For that matter, I wouldn't mind making a roleplay out of it - it could even help develop the plot, and the book, entirely.

I just like to leave things open-ended for people.

[ruckus]

Read the first three lines; couldn't continue. I suggest deleting those and beginning your new attempt from that point.

[Modulation]

Alright. Any HONEST opinions?

[.Paradise]

Read the first three lines; couldn't continue. I suggest deleting those and beginning your new attempt from that point.

^ I don't think it gets anymore honest than that. >.>!

[ruckus]

^ I don't think it gets anymore honest than that. >.>!

Really. I was being honest. I entered the blog in good faith and left after reading the first three lines.

[Modulation]

/facepalm

[Morgan]

Prologue: A Girl in the Night

The purpose of using a prologue is two-fold: to hook a reader and to tell a backstory that saves an author some time in explaining current events. When deciding whether or not your piece should begin with a prologue, there are a few questions you should ask yourself first:

1. If I call the prologue Chapter One, will my readers be able to ascertain what's going on without having to resort to flashbacks? If yes, then you should drop the prologue and just call it Chapter One.
2. Am I using the prologue just to hook the reader? If the answer is yes, then you should consider why you're unable to do so in the first chapter of the piece. Are you starting the story too early? Do you have issues creating conflict and suspense?
3. Am I using the prologue to give pertinent information to help my reader understand the current situation? If yes, then you should write the prologue but make sure you're giving enough information to make sense.

Trrch. Trrch. Trrch.
Plop...
Trrch. Trrch. Trrch. Plop...trrch. Trrch.

If you don't want your piece to resemble a comic featuring the likes of Batman, onomatopoeia should be used sparingly and subtly.

This The desert hadn't felt the crunch of footsteps in a long time. Especially , especially not ones as little as these. Every time As the liquid dripped, it left a redness that stained the normally tawny-white landscape, the liquid and was sucked greedilygreedily sucked into the ground. Every few yards, the old footprints started to blow blew away, taken by the winds which make that made the white cloth billow around the figure so vigorously. The heat is was so unbearable, for that any animal with a right mind was deep underground hours ago. The figure, though...something different is to be said of her.

Choose a tense and stick with it rather than flip-flopping from past to present. Otherwise, it disturbs the flow of the piece which can cause the reader to become confused. Too much confusion and a reader may lose interest altogether.

Your sentence structure is rather choppy. My suggestion would be to polish up on basic sentence structure by revisiting traditional parts of speech.



If the above is helpful in any manner, then I'll continue to go through the piece (though I will only do small chunks at a time).

[Modulation]

Yeah...it's been a while since I posted that, so it'd definitely need a lot of work. The prologue is supposed to happen approximately seven, eight years before the entirety of the story.

For that matter, I wrote it in a night, after a dream I had about this.

Thanks for critiquing it, though!

[Modulation]

For that matter, I don't usually do drafts on things. So it's probably why there's a lot wrong there.

[supernal]

I reserve my right to read and critique this until you put a bit more polish into it if that's the case.

[Morgan]

My question to you, then, is why would you submit a piece for critique if you're only going to make excuses for it? I mean, usually a person does what's within their ability to fix whatever mistakes they have made and -then- asks for critique so that they can make the necessary corrections to the mistakes that they weren't aware of or overlooked.

[Modulation]

Because I've had it critiqued before, and I've never actually gotten negative responses. I guess I didn't notice what was wrong with it until someone actually pointed it out.

[ruckus]

Read the first three lines; couldn't continue. I suggest deleting those and beginning your new attempt from that point.

^