It's the time we've all been waiting for. You've been counting the days down, feverishly checking off each box of your puppy-themed calendar. Well, it's almost here.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.
Stay tuned.
It's the time we've all been waiting for. You've been counting the days down, feverishly checking off each box of your puppy-themed calendar. Well, it's almost here.
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1.
Stay tuned.
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SPECIAL REVIEW
The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part I
Title: The Twilight Saga Breaking Dawn Part I
Year: 2011
Rating: PG-13
Hummingbird here, watching movies so you don't have to! This is Breaking Dawn, part one of two of the final Twilight movie. If you've somehow missed out on this sad phenomenon, Twilight is about a vampire and human woman who falling love, stirring up conflicts between vampires who sparkle in the sunlight and wolves who imprint on soulmates (meaning your genes tell you that you are happy with this person no matter what, dammit.) Anyway, Bella and Edward finally get married... and then the impossible happens. Bella gets pregnant. Fast.
Synopsis
Bella and Edward get married amongst regret and joy, most of the regret being on her side of the family who is as of yet unaware that Edward sparkles in the sun... which doesn't happen at all anymore, for some reason. Jacob is left trying his best to feel good for her while they go on a honeymoon and have sex, which I feel the need to point out is NOT THE SEX SCENE YOU WERE HOPING FOR. It's lame, short, and ridiculous. Bella gets pregnant with a child, abnormally fast, and gives birth to it due to pro-life statements. It's implied Edward rips the thing out with his teeth. It's perfectly normal looking and Jacob imprints on it. Also, Bella dies, but comes back to life as a vampire. The end.
Pros: You will be surprised that there is actually a vast improvement on the acting. I would call it decent. The music isn't ear-gouging this time either. The storyline is steady and pretty easy to follow with a few cool moments and few funny moments that actually had me laughing out loud.
Cons: The movie is also painfully slow. Not much goes on throughout the film because nothing much actually happens. The werewolf CGI is as bad as ever, and in the movie no explanation is given, ever, on the cause of Bella's impossible pregnancy. Just when things start to get exciting, it stops due to a what seems like a cop-out explanation, and the ending is almost exactly like the ending of Underworld.
Notes: I recognize that painting. It's by Goya, called The Nightmare. And no. It's not a picture of a vampire baby monster.
Rating: 4.4 Not bad. Not good either. Boring, but tolerable. Better than Twilight and New Moon, but worse than Eclipse. And still one more to go! Yay?
The full synopsis is below.
Spoiler:
Valucre totally owes me.
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There are some pretty bad movies out there. So here's some of the kickers with harsh reviews. And short ones, because goddammit they're barely worth the time. We've changed the scale to 1 out of 5 stars.
Clash of the Titans 2010
SHUT THE HELL UP PERSEUS AND KILL SOMETHING IN THIS OVERLONG METALLICA MUSIC VIDEO. I THOUGHT YOU SAID THE SCORPIONS WOULD WALK FASTER THAN YOU IN THE DESERT SAND? 1/5
Beowulf
GRENDEL IS A WHINY GIANT LEPER WITH ANGELINA JOLIE AS HIS MOM. I CAN'T THING OF ANYTHING SCARIER. DID THE WRITERS EVER READ THE STORY ALL THE WAY THROUGH? I DID AS ASSIGNED READING AND FUCK, BRING ME BACK TO HIGH SCHOOL NOW. JAB A SPEAR THROUGH MY EYE. .5/5
Warriors of Virtue
KANGAROOS WHO JUMP REALLY HIGH IN HORRIBLE SPECIAL EFFECTS! WATER! FIRE! EARTH! METAL! HERE COMES CAPTAIN PLANET AND THE END OF THIS MOVIE! GIVE ME A FUCKING BREAK. 1.5/5
X 1999
YES. KILL THEM ALL. IT'S LIKE SHREDDING PAPER. THAT'S HOW MUCH CHARACTER THEY HAVE! 1/5
Caligula
HOLY MOTHER OF **** .3/5
MANOS THE HANDS OF FATE
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA 0/5
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*Huffs*
Hugo
This highly anticipated movie lacks violence, much action, and any shots of adrenaline, but makes up for it all with a highly engaging story that, for the first time in forever, is in fact enhanced by the 3d rather than the 3d trying make up for a horrible movie. The acting is well-done for the most part with every character human, and the mysterious plot at the center of the movie is suspenseful, meaningful, and strangely gripping. A recommended movie after all the horrible flicks you've seen before. 4.5/5
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*puffs*
The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo
This somewhat anticipated movie is the American version of the Swedish movie of the same name.... based off a book of the same name. The first of a trilogy, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is frankly a thriller and, above all, a mystery movie and is everything a book could inspire to be on film. Almost completely loyal to the film, the movie glosses over almost nothing, boldly showing the most horrifying of scenes in graphically stunning detail. The acting and sound is superb to the point one will barely notice that this movie is almost 3 hours long, using every minute to good, captivating use. The plot is confounding, frightening, and dark, and yet stable, firm, and doesn't stray.
The film definitely earns its R rating, exactly the intent of the producers and writers who at all costs seemed to want to portray everything horrifying as horrifying as it could possibly be. Yes, there are mothers who took their children to see this, and yes, they are whining. There's actually not too much active violence, most of it coming from still images, but when you do see it, it's fairly shocking and you may have heard of the rape scene which isn't sugarcoated at all. It was actually commended by some women for accurately portraying the violence of what can happen and has happened to victimized women in true life. Whatever the thoughts on it may be, it's done as well as every other part of the movie.
Fast paced and never losing track of what it's about, with true-to-life characters with their own problems and fatal flaws, The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo is a must-see for the end of the year.
Spoiler:
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Title: The Adventures of Tintin
Release Year: 2011
Genres: Animation, action, adventure, family, mystery
My Rating: 4.5/5
Synopsis: Tintin (to be precisely a reboot of and old cartoon) is an investigative journalist, and a local celebrity known for his heroic exploits. Tintin picks up a model ship at a flea market or something like that, and thus begins an adventure for the history books! A blood feud, buried treasure, bravery and cowardice, and awesomeness. That's all you get.
Review: As you can tell from the rating and the end of my little synopsis there I heavily recommend this movie. The animation is really smooth, the dialogue is snappy, the characters are memorable and precise, the progression of the plot is very nicely handled. But I think the best part, for me anyway, is the camerawork they were able to achieve, combined with the realism of the really smooth animation. They had camera work that a human cameraman simply wouldn't have been able to do, and I really appreciated it. It was all tight though.
A man isn't a collection of chemicals; he is a collection of ideas
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The Hunger Games
The world has been separated into 12 districts, overlooked by one Capitol of extreme wealth and strange fashion tastes. Due to a historical uprising, the districts are commanded to sacrifice 2 people as punishment, one male and one female aged 12 to 18, to an annual contest called the Hunger Games. In this game,which may last anywhere from a few days to a few months, the 24 chosen ones fight to the death until only one is left.
When her sister is chosen to represent the relatively poor 12th District, Katniss Everdeen volunteers as "tribute", taking said sister's place. A large portion of the movie moves on to set the scene of a nightmare world where the rich live in paradise and the poor live in countryside slums, with heavily forested areas forbidden for unexplained reasons. At least for the poor districts, genuine processed food, like bread, is largely unavailable; in the Capitol however, everything is produced in plenty. It is in the unfamiliar capitol that Katniss and her fellow tribute, Peeta, undergo heavy training under the scrutinizing eyes of judges and mentors so that they have at least a minimal chance of surviving. After that, the two are set loose in a free-for-all where alliances are made, broken, and generally everyone is at each other's throats.
With two distinct halves cut into "training" and "fighting", it sounds like the first half of the movie would be boring, but it's not. Neither is the second half. The story and action sequences are well-executed with decent to good acting and memorable scenes. The movie adheres to the age-old "show, don't tell" rule of storytelling, setting the scene of an unfamiliar world in eye-catching color and detail with enough mystery to keep you wondering what the hell went wrong. The pace is a steady stream of character development and story progression. It's all believable. Here, Katniss isn't an invincible hero. Her only fighting skill appears to be archery... and only on good days. Her enemies, on the other hand, are all brutal and skilled. It's nice to have a movie where the hero is cruelly outnumbered and surviving only by luck with limited resources not exclusive to her alone.
I really can't find anything horribly wrong with this movie. It was great. I had a good time. The movie was long, well over two hours, but nothing felt chopped or hacked apart like so many other movies based on books. I would've liked more history on what made the world what it is, but the movie gives enough to be satisfactory and makes up for it with a an otherwise great story and surprising twists and challenges for the Hunger Game competitors. It was smooth, beautiful, and not a disappointment at all.
Rating: 4/5 stars
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The Cabin in the Woods
A funny, unique, thriller horror movie that deserves every star. It is a slasher, but isn't Scream. It has comedy aspects, but it isn't Drag Me To Hell. It pokes fun at tropes, but it isn't Scary Movie. It isn't Wrong Turn, 28 Days Later, Hostel, Orphan, Alien, The Orphanage, The Sixth Sense, or any other movie you've seen. It's not the greatest movie, but it has excitement, humor, unexpected answers to all your questions, and, while not terrifying, it is entertaining. A few of the characters felt underdeveloped, the choices made foolhardy, but once you've seen the movie and understand what the trailer didn't reveal (as so many trailers love to spoil things), it's a good bet you won't regret the trip.
4/5 stars
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~insanitymakesyoustronger~
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