Uhh... I thought they were in Portland? Or Seattle. You know -- rain? Overcast? Not fuckin' SUNNY PHOENIX, ARIZONA. Fail. Lol.
And secondly, 4.5 is generous. His hair doesn't move the entire film and his acting is terri-bad. A 3 or 2.5 is closer to being accurate. Superman Returns did a better job at sucking than this film did. =/
And.
This is all you ever need to know.
I was mistaken in the Twilight review; Bella moved to Forks, Washington. While it does get sun, it does seem to be overcast a lot. Unfortunately, that's not enough to save this movie from the depths of hell.
Jeff's generous link ( ) is, in contrast to the movie, rated a 9 for being lol.
For now... it's Anime Week! My reviews will be on anime movies an maybe a series. Anyone else is free to do a review on anything; if he doesn't post soon, I'll stick in a review on The Men Who Stare at Goats.
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Movie: Karas: The Prophecy / Karas: The Revelation
Release date: Don't know, who cares.
Note: This movie comes in two parts and combines 3d and 2d animation. However, we'll be reviewing it as a single whole. Modern-Fantasy genre.
Synopsis
The movie opens with a bang, cutting straight to the chase with two strangely armored beings intent on beating the shit out of one another. They fly through the air, they change into jets, they clash katanas and move so fast time itself is halted. Indeed, they seem evenly matched until the good guy gets his arms cut off.
It is revealed that this poor guy was a Karas: a "Raven", someone who protects Tokyo from evil things. Like demons. The guy he was fighting against is a renegade Karas, who quit his job, kidnapped his maker and is now intent on doing what every bad guy does; taking over the damn world, or at least Japan.
Cut to Otoha, the new Karas. Little does he know that he's part of a prophecy, and his destiny will lead him through the many corpses of demons and the realization of how he came to be the guardian of Tokyo. In the end, he will face off against renegade Karas Eko and do what must be done: kick ass.
Pros and Cons
Pros: The animation is quite stunning and handles 2d and 3d well. The fights are spectacular and the story pretty engaging. Both English and Japanese voices are good, and for those who like blood... maaaaan there is a LOT. You may not understand the first part of the movie, but by the time you pop in the second part, everything somehow clicks.
Cons: While interesting, the story is incredibly simple and just isn't that fresh. There are some cliche moments, missing revelations (ha, ha) and there is a point where you just don't mess up the 3d by punching a hole in it with 2d, because it completely ruins the moment.
Movie WTF Moment: Why won't he die?! WHY WON'T HE DIE? Also, is that lipstick? Is Eko like Odin Haze?
IDuring-the-Movie Convo
Raze Who Loves Anime: "What would you do if you ran into that demon-man?"
Avalanche Who Hates Em: "Shit my pants." It is worth mentioning he liked the movie.
Rating: 7.9/10 I've re-watched it a few times.
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Movie: The Men Who Stare At Goats
-pending
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Lolol, sogud, rite?Originally Posted by The Hummingbird
Anime: Dragonball 2nd Season
Release date: Japan: 1986 America: 2001
Synopsis: Goku is once again searching for the Dragon balls, but he doesn't have a wish in mind, he just wants one dragon ball, the one with four stars that grandpa Gohan (not the kid from DBZ) gave Goku before he died. Goku lost the ball when the dragon was summoned on his last adventure and he misses it as his only memento of his grandpa (Guess he just found the power pole...).
But it's not as easy as it seems even with Bulma's Dragon Radar and the Flying Nimbus, for someone that's not an idiot is after it, The Red Ribbon Army. Seemingly the worlds most powerful military force headed by Commander Red (all their officers have color coded names too). He's after the dragonballs for the clasic reason, To Rule the World!
Goku must face the powerful military force if he wants his dragonball, and he's going to face off against Tanks, Planes, Ninjas, Robots and many other things.
Pros: The animation isn't much but it actually aged better than its Sequel (Dragonball Z). The action is very good and doesn't rely much on short cuts. There are some really funny parts, My fave is the Ninja Goku must fight, who turns out to be an idiot but still difficult. There are actually times that Goku is in real Peril here, The red Ribbon Army is his first Adversary that's both evil and competent, able to use both brute force and Cunning (by hiring a red hot super thief.) There's a lot of action but it's varried well, not just the “must get Stronger!” vibe that the whole DB series is infamous for.
Cons: The animation is old, and it's easy to tell when compared to Animation today. This season is pretty much all about Goku vs. the Red Ribbon Army, you get some Bulma, Krillin and Master Roshi but Yamcha, Oolong and Puar are in one or two episodes. There are a lot of Characters that appear for a while and then fall away, (though it's a good thing for the people of Penguin Village.) Oh yeah, the Penguin Village episodes are very dumb and kinda pointless, with some of the most annoying characters in the series.
Mew?: Why does anime keep refelting my faith (taoism) with their villains and keep mispronouncing it? There's a Villain named Mercenary Tao, first I saw Outlaw Star with evil Tao sorcerers and now Dragonball has a Villain named Tao?
Conclusion: If you like action Anime with a bit of Humor or a fan of DBZ, I recommend it. If you like your anime serious or don't like action anime, then stay away.
Fixed for accuracy.
--Break this bittersweet spell on me.--
Movie: X1999 the Movie
Release date: Don't know, who cares.
Note: There is a well-made series of the same name, which greatly expands on each character, and a stalled manga series that expands even more.
Synopsis
This movie opens with a hail of cherry petals, flying languidly through the air. A young man whom we will know as Kamui comes running through them, and we see that he running toward his mom.
His mother then promptly discards her clothes in a burst of flame and pulls out a sword from her stomach before bursting into several body parts, leaving Kamui in a lake of blood. Happy day!
Five minutes later, two guys, at least one some may recognize as Subaru Sumeragi, blow up the shit out of each other, so that blood drips from what we can only assume must be mangled corpses.
From there, it only gets worse. We are thrust into a floundering plotline, that unfortunately never mentions the exact date, about the Seven Dragons of Heaven rushing about to destroy the earth while the Seven Shields rush about to save it. Once all seven shields and their representatives get killed off, the earth is doomed. Leading both groups are Dreamseers Princess Hinoto of the Seven Shields and Kanoe of the Dragons. Who is victorious all depends on Kamui, who obviously doesn't care much about the fate of the world. He's soon forced to fight against his best friend, Fuma, however as Fuma is the "other Kamui" and destined to fight for whoever Kamui doesn't choose.
Despite having their own Kamuis (Power of God), Hinto and Kanoe do the crappiest job of fighting. Every character gets killed off in ones and twos, and sometimes twos and threes! You don't get to know about any of the characters; they're all dead before you get the chance to memorize their names. It's clear this movie was supposed to be depressing in the manner of Evangelion. Except Evangelion was expanded in over twenty episodes; this was crammed into a little over an hour.
Pros and Cons
Pros: The animation is what can expected of CLAMP; professional.
Cons: While the story is sort of interesting and simple, its execution sucks. Everything feels rushed or underdone, and the end leaves you feeling underwhelmed. People have laughed at the end, when you're probably supposed to be crying. Wtf?
Movie WTF Moment: Loved one or not, I wouldn't cling to their heads.
Rating: 3/10
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I was actually going to make note of that. From everything I've seen of the anime and of the manga, they're tremendously better than the movie. The whole reason I even started looking into the anime and manga was because I saw how much potential the movie had, but didn't live up to. Had the events of the movie been expanded into a twenty episode anime, it really would've been just as depressing as (if not more depressing than) Evangelion.
Speaking of, I insist that you review the Eva movies next. Death/Rebirth and End of Evangelion or You Are (Not) Alone, whichever you'd prefer (because I doubt you've seen the latest installment in the new movie series; if I'm not mistaken, there are no English subs for it yet).
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[center:1zwxn1ed]Sometimes, I just want to break you. Not 'cause I hate you, but because I can.[/center:1zwxn1ed]
Srsly -- watch the X1999 Anime.
It'll change your thinking about this anime totally. The movie was the entire series packed into an hour or so, so it's not as good as it could have been.
Awesome anime series. Shitty movie.
I'll try to review End of Evangelion as a favor to Nayt... but...
Movie: The End of Evangelion
Release date: Don't know, who cares.
Note: There is an anime series preceding this movie, and you would do well to watch it beforehand. I however, have not watched the series, though I know enough to get by. So we're going at this review assuming everyone knows about the Angels, the Evangelions, and the basic relationship the main characters have with one another.
Synopsis
The movie opens with young teenager Shinji Ikari, frantic over the comatose body of his friend Asuka (apparently, she was severely injured by an Angel fight). Well, he ends up getting off, providing either an attention-grabbing or immediate attention-diverting moment.
The rest of the movie kicks into high gear. I provide information from the Internet Movie Database:
With the final Angel defeated, NERV HQ and the Eva pilots think their task is done. But it is soon revealed that all they've been fighting for is a lie: SEELE, the secret parent corporation of NERV, wanted to eliminate the Angels so it would be free to carry out the Human Instrumentality Project, ushering in a new level of human existence. However, SEELE discovers that NERV Director Gendou Ikari has betrayed them, as he plans to initiate his own altered version of the Project for his own plans. SEELE engineers a massive leave-no-survivors assault on Tokyo-3 by the conventional Japanese army, as well as deploying the 9 new mass-production model Eva units. With NERV being overwhelmed, the pilots of their 2 remaining Eva units mentally in no condition to fight, 9 horrifying new Eva's bearing down on the base, and Gendou descending into the bowels of NERV HQ to attempt the bring about Third Impact with Rei, the future of humanity lies in 14 year old Shinji's hands. Written by Anonymous
As the movie plows through this conflict, anyone who doesn't know anything about Evangelion will immediately get lost. You will be entranced by the amazing graphics and awesome fight scenes, although the fight scenes are limited to... well, one big one. Those interested in theology may find wonders in the references scattered throughout the later half of the movie. It's an interesting film, even a good one, but first you have to stick with it and not go insane. Like my friend said: "If it makes sense, you obviously were not paying attention".
Some like this ending to the Evangelion series. Others think that it seems like someone suddenly didn't like the direction it was headed and decided to change it last minute.
Pros and Cons
Pros: The animation is superb. The plot is... anyway, there is a plot. Ignoring the boggling storyline, everything is nicely done, although there are some live-action scenes that don't really seem to serve a purpose other than to momentarily confuse the viewer. At the beginning, i thought I'd been jipped into buying a fake copy. Yes, I, who did not watch Neon Genesis Evangelion, liked the movie enough to buy it.
Cons: While there's definitely some kind of story going on aside from NERV and SEELE's battle, you can't be exactly sure what. You know there's a big revelation going on involving humanity's destiny and the world in general, but as they are all sucked into an organic sea amidst a thousand explosions and flying glowing crosses, you're still not sure what's going on. All you know is you're too bedazzled to care.
Movie WTF Moment: All of it. Seriously. What the hell?
Other notes: SEELE's attacking! Run! SHINJI! Stop whining! Kick ass, Asuka! Yes! Yes! Wait... NOOOOOOO!!! What's happening? People are exploding into orange juice! AAAAH! What happened to Rei?! What's Kaworu doing with her? WHERE ARE THEY?! DID EVERYONE DIE? OH MY GOD REI!
Rating: I refuse to rate this, since I just can't do it fairly. Someone else do it. I will say that it's worth the watch.
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1996
1997
Movie: Princess Mononoke
Release date: Fuck that.
Note: In the English version, it's "The Great Forest Spirit." Properly translated, it's "The Deer God."
Synopsis
In defending his village from what appears to be a horrific demon, Prince Ashitaka is afflicted with a curse that will slowly consume and kill him. His only clue is a ball of iron, which may lead him to a land far to the east where ancient animal gods still live, one of which may cure his curse. With only the red elk Yakkul as his companion, Ashitaka travels far and comes upon Iron Town, ruled by the ingenius, charismatic Lady Eboshi.
There he finds a war waged between humans and animals, the latter containing a a mighty wolf god and the Princess Mononoke, a young girl whose only goal is to defend the dying forest from the relentless humans. Soon, Ashitaka finds himself embroiled in a battle of destruction and mysticism.
Pros and Cons
Pros: Hayao Miyazaki presents us with a brilliant storyline supported by engaging characters and splendid animation. Suitable for a wide range of audiences, this movie well-known among fans of Japanese anime.
Cons: There are at least two things that need explaining: water, and "the Deer God". Apparently, those who don't know Japanese culture may not understand the deeper importance of the two, and there a few other things that need to be ignored in order to preserve the movie's high quality in the face of realism.
Movie WTF Moment: The Nightwalker.
Rating: 9/10 Despite a few flaws here and there, it's pretty awesome.
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Anime week is officially over; I review whatever the hell I want now.
Movie: Ninja Assassin
Release date: November 2009
Note: This is a Korean film. Huh. Rated R for insane amounts of gore.
Synopsis
The move opens with blood and ends with lots and lots of blood. For those who have a queasy stomach, put down your food and run away. For all others, prepare for some kickass action as ninjas slice the hell out of pretty much everyone.
Raizo was raised in a secret organization, the Ozunu clan, that trains young children to be, yes, ninja assassins. Meaning, assassins with all the skills and dress code of ninjas. Completely illegal yet totally awesome, Raizo is now hunted himself by that very organization that taught him everything he knows. Hunting the organization is Mika, who, discovering that the Ozunu is not a myth, soon gets in over her head.
Finding a cherished memory in Mika, Raizo endeavors to save her from the vengeful clutches of the Ozunu, taking us through a romping wild ride through the streets of Berlin, the Ozunu Temple-Shrine thing, and even a laundromat. All with shurikens, swords, and chain-knives flying.
Pros and Cons
Pros: The fighting is awesome. The story isn't absolute crap, and the acting is okay. But the fighting.... oooh the fighting. There's plenty of camp, right down to the ocean of blood, but it all seems to fit. Isn't Ninja Assassin camp by the title alone?
Cons: The story has been done before, numerous times, and will be done again and again. Fortunately it doesn't ruin the entire movie and still manages to charm. The dialogue is rather cheesy many times, and you'd think the last battle would swing the other way.
Movie Highlight: Never piss off the good guy twice.
Rating: 7.5/10 I thought this would suck. Instead, it was awesome.
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Movie: A Christmas Carol IN 3D
Release date: November 2009
Note: This is all in computer graphics. Good for kids but probably not for really little children.
Synopsis
Everyone knows the ageless tale of Ebenezer Scrooge. A greedy, selfish old man, he shows little remorse over the death of his partner Marley in a highly successful business and forces his clerk, Cratchit,to slave away from dawn to dusk with little to show for his efforts.
Scrooge's grumpy bah-humbug attitude catches up to him when Marley shows up, bound in chains to tell him that Scrooge has a particularly large set of links waiting for him in an unpleasant afterlife of eternal wandering,and that he has one last chance to set things right; he'll be visited by three spirits on that Christmas Eve: namely,Christmas Past, Christmas Present, and Christmas Future (or the Christmas Yet to Come). And Jim Carrey is happy to voice all of them.
The movie follows Charles Dickens' original tale pretty faithfully, making a few minor additions that are pleasant to watch. There are actually some creepy parts that make it unsuitable for the very young (like under, say, 5 years), but that and the rest is enjoyable for us jaded adults. The graphics are are stupendous, with just enough of the stylized, exaggerated approach.
I personally think 3D is overrated (I'll be making a point of this with Beowulf), but this movie handles it well and is particularly impressive with the snowflakes.
Pros and Cons
Pros: The story remains as heartwarming as ever. The graphics are good and the voice acting very well executed. A delicate balance of humor and frightening scenes add to the story.
Cons: Some of the scenes you wish showed a little bit more of the how and the why, and a very few parts looked like the animators went a little overboard with what the characters could do, even as stylized as they were. There's a cool chase scene that feels like it was there mostly to fill up time, and they used a "breaking the fourth wall" technique at one single point that i don't think worked well at all.
Movie Highlight: That dude just never stops laughing... and it's not irritating! Hurrah!
Rating: 7.9/10 Seriously, see this in 3D. I liked it.
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