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Kalar Meadia

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About Kalar Meadia

  • Rank
    The Meddler
  • Birthday 09/01/1983

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  • Gender
    Male
  • Location
    PA, USA
  • Interests
    Video Game Industry, Storytelling, Roleplaying,
  • Occupation
    System Analyst (Health Information Technology)

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  1. ( Referenced track: Aequilibrium ) Kalar sat in the ballroom with an odd instrument in his hand. One of a design not often seen. Coiled around a loop controlled by a plan were several strings, a set on the lower angle, and upper angle of the wheel. In the center was a more typical set of strings known for a string instrument, but the upper area typically manipulated by bare fingers were held within a box, with several keys which applied pressure in his fingers stead upon pressing the keys. This instrument, the Hurdy Gurdy, as the odd thing was called by an odd name, was held in Kalar Meadia's lap, his eyes closed. At his feet was a device meant to play recorded songs with a pedal upon it for activation. It had an organ track he had recorded earlier. His fingers strummed over the keys as he shifted the crank with each length of the note, creating a song that seemed almost as out of time as he was, but all perfectly harmonious. The note, however, was melancholy. As was the features on his face. It was a form of expression. Even in the most perfect of circumstances, loss and the darker aspects of emotion still found their way home. It was not something that could just be cast aside, it was not something that was ever truly gone away. It was something he had to process, to adapt new into his being. So, he adapted it into a habit he was used to himself. Adding new to old and exploring what it all meant to him, and what it would add to the world he was now touching and becoming a part of. He had much to be grateful for, but something that would not escape him was the truth of his longevity - the inevitability of loss, and the continuation beyond it. It was something familiar to him, but not on this scale. And before where he could distract himself and dismiss it, it had settled. So he played, mixing new happiness with ever-present sorrows. At least in this method, his melodrama could be mildly entertaining to others. Although in this particular concert he was not paying attention on whether or not he had an audience.
  2. Kala raised a brow. "'Not as heavy?' I thought you liked the weight." Kala said, a bit taken aback by the statement. "You know I can be lighter, all you have to do is let me know if you're uncomfortable with the weight and I can reduce it a bit... right? It's not as if keeping a bit of gas in is an effort." Kala rested on Kalmuli's left side, and as if trying to prove a point, she seemed quite light in comparison, as if the entire weight of a lap-cat had been distributed across the body of a woman equal to Kalmuli in size. Kala nuzzled against Kalmuli and curled her legs around Kalmuli's left leg in a cooing sensation. "Just remember love, if you chose right when we wake up, that means you have to wait until I decide the next day to do something. My plan may take longer than simply starting our morning this way. Something to keep in mind on how you may want to space these out, or how you want to go about it. Oh... and love. Just to be sure you know how dedicated I am to helping you..." Kala shifted up to whisper in Kalmuli's ear. "The Red Door is no longer off limits." She nestled herself back down and attempted to make herself comfortable for the rest.
  3. Kala smiled and kissed Kamuli's forehead, taking the time to just pet around Kamuli and taking care not to tease her with it, petting from her head to her arm. After a moment, Kala took off her primary robe to drape it around her beloved to help her feel covered and comfortable, while bringing in her wings more closed to keep herself warm as well. "Mn. Maybe for a bit of playing around I will be your mistress, but you are always and ever my equal in my heart, dear one." Kala said in a whisper to Kamuli's ear, her mouth and breath close. "Never forget that you have filled more of me than any before and any ever will." Kala paused and looked over at the door, then slumped. "How about we skip the rest of dinner and just turn in for the night here?" Kala asked quietly. "I'm getting tired after everything that's gone on today from start to finish. Resting in the sunlight was nice but it didn't exactly recharge me all that much. I want to curl up with you and not think about anything more for the night..." Pursed lips kissed on Kamuli's upside down due to their positions. "Besides, then, when we wake up next, it'll be tomorrow. And I think it's okay for it to be your turn first."
  4. Kala permitted herself to run a hand along Kalmuli's hair, letting it trail up and over her ear. "Physician, Heal thyself." "And while you're at it, stop and think." Kala chuckled. "You've had enough sexual encounters in the span of one mortal lifetime that a Succubi posting as a nun would feel modest, and most of them require it for sustenance." Kala lifted a bit of Kalmuli's hair from the base of the back of her neck and let her fingers sift through it. "And I'm not telling you to stop. I do know the pleasure of having someone as warm clay in your hands and molding them into a shape that fits the spirit within afterwards. Breaking them down to their core through pleasure is far more satisfying than destroying someone through pain. I've done both." Kala reached up and tapped Kalmuli on the nose, a bit playfully. "But you need self-control. The compulsion to do so has too frequently become more important than the reason. You have become its slave rather than it being your tool. That is why we are pulling you into basics. And please note, the first draft of this plan in my head had you reduced down to once in a week. I made adjustments knowing that would be unbearable." There was a bit of silence as she gently just petted Kalmuli and let her think on the matter. Kala did not want to bring the woman pain but she knew that much like someone obese being asked to diet, fighting the craving would be the hardest part of the matter. Worse as this was not an addiction one could completely be rid of and remain healthy. Not that Kala wanted to dismiss it entirely to begin with as she had her own entanglements with Kalmuli and they would share the pain of denials. Kalmuli had felt that Kala kept herself on the edge between obligation and self-indulgence far more frequently than she openly admitted. "Even hedonists must learn limits." Kala stated, cooing at her mate after a moments pause. "One session a day, we can have the length of time be variable there, but it must not consume the whole day. We take turns in control of that time and circumstances as we teach each other of ourselves once more. Once we are done, we endeavor to leave it behind and think towards our other tasks for the day." Another pause before Kala smiled a bit to herself. "More compatible with you than the Devil, eh? Oooh, that must stung a bit for him." Kala said a bit playfully, having an aged memory of that particular hedonistic man. "Last I remember of him, he took quite a bit of pride in that sort of thing."
  5. "Welcome to the club. I'm the founder and formerly the only member." Kala stated with a laugh. "You know it took thirteen spirits to calm me when I first became truly lost... Seven of them bound themselves to my body so that I would never be alone. That was eons ago... and well.... I had left them behind when I went to create the world... I should... well, I never really truly introduced you to them. Not in full. You know of one well enough. Celestine." Kala gave a furtive smile and leaned back. "You'd never really know she was one of the Comvidon if you simply looked at her. Thirteen beings in twelve bindings, each living a continuation much like us. Except theirs is more of a reincarnation. You know... come to think of it. They might be able to do a lot of good if I found a way to bring them here..." Kalmuli felt a small tap on her shoulder in response to the squeeze, an affectionate one, not telling her to back away but more to acknowledge that she was doing a good thing. "There is a lot I do to make myself feel like I am valid here. You know that emptiness? The phase I was in and am more in now, is filling it with a sense of accomplishment. Projects. Meddling, just helping people."
  6. Kala silently wrapped her arms around Kalmuli the best she could in her situation and let herself breath a long moment. "I've lost you once before, I've lost what I tried to create for you. I don't wish to lose you again, especially not to the damage I made worse in leaving. It is selfish, I know, but you are precious to me." Kala lifted herself up to touch noses with Kalmuli a moment before resting their foreheads together. "I've said this before. It won't be easy, it won't be quick. But, I am willing to put in the time and effort. Please... do so for yourself, if not for me. Become a person who can be at least find their footing in the journey to find peace. I will walk it with you, step by step. I have reasons as well to falter. But... reading your journals... seeing in there minds what was done... it gave me a reason to dig in... to keep trying." Kala gently ran her hand across Kalmuli's back in a reassuring rub. "I'm a broken mess... but I'll be here for you. I know it may be hard to hold back on your vices... but you will feel better for it. I promise."
  7. "I don't expect you to let go. Just don't carry it on top of you." Kala said quietly. "Carry it beside you. That's... how I got on about it. Maybe it'll work with you." Kala brought out a small black stone that seemed to shift a bit in her hand, but it was a single solid piece. Just looking at it looked like it felt dense, and there was a strange heat that was warmer than even Kala's body. "This is it... what's left of the world that I gave your name to..." Kala said, her words a whisper in the dark. Her wing gently curled about Kalmuli to hold her close. Not for Kalmuli's benefit, but her own. The only reason Kala was not trembling, crying, is because she seemed too frightened to drop, or suddenly cause the last bit of the world to disappear. She remained silent, simply looking at the stone, and holding onto her love somewhat desperately.
  8. "I'm afraid..." Kala said quietly, tears still flowing down her face. "I'm afraid of losing you again... of losing everything I love and everything I try to protect... that anything I do is just going to make the situation worse and that I'm... I'm not worth it." Kala looked up to Kalmuli and peered into her eyes, still letting her own tears flow. "Every inch of me says to act, to do something, to not run away. But I don't know what to do here, love. I'm just trying to make it up as I go along, trying to picture myself as you see me. To be the person you want me to be." Kala shook her head and moved closer to her beloved, setting her head on top of the curled up knees. "I don't need space... I need help. And... I think you do too. I never wanted you to feel this knawing inside but I knew... I knew the worlds would do it to you even if I didn't. I wanted a place for us where you would never have to feel that. I got so wrapped up in the desire to make something safe, that I didn't realize how much I tore you apart. And I felt it when you finally gave up. Apologies are just not enough." Kala's wings came about to wrap about the two of them gently and try to warm their bodies, Kala herself was still shivering from nerves and temperature. "But... I'm sorry." Kala said in a hushed voice. "I'm sorry because I know nothing is going to fix the hole you feel now. I know because I've felt the same way... and nothing fixed it. It's.. always there. I've had to learn to live with it." She looked up with a smile, somewhat of a broken one, but it was honest. "But... with you... I sometimes forget it's there. You haven't upset me, Fareryniel. I'm upset at what happened to you, and how much pain you are going through.... and will go through." Kala shifted about towards the more comfortable center of the room, and padded a place next to her, pocketing the two rings and reaching for something else in her pocket. "Come here a moment... there's something I want to show you."
  9. Kala paused for a moment as she watched the tantrum play out, it was only after a few moments of it that she reached her hand up and snapped her finger against her thumb. This created a loud cracking sound that would snap anyone to attention. Kalmuli could feel pain, and a bit of indignation. This was all too familiar for Kala. Her words would likely be hurtful, because this time around, Kalmuli needed a wakeup call, even if Kala hurt herself with each word. "Perhaps this is the real reason why you evade mirrors; to prevent yourself from having to face the state you are in." Kala stated in a hiss. "I wish for nothing more than to simply be with you constantly, but it will avail us naught. It would bring about the very same fate you fear or I fear. That one of us would tire of the other. And in the loss of such feeling we would grow to resent one another, forgetting all we have been through to get this far. Is this the fate you wish - to simply ruin one another? If all you want is me as your bedding fodder, you could have saved yourselves years of torment by having Maria craft you a homologous in my image." The blue eyes shown in intensity, the dim light showing the tears streaming down the Avion's face in spite of her contorted appearance of anger, but her voice cracked and betrayed that she was breaking "I will not sit idly by while I watch the woman I love let herself be betrayed by her own body and tear herself apart from within. For your own sake, stop for one moment and look at yourself. Judge yourself not by my eyes, but by the woman you were. Let her tell you what you if gorging yourself in desires is worth shedding tears over. Remember what she shed tears for, and how she felt those times she held. them. back." Kala looked like she had more to say, but she trembled, shook and collapsed. Perhaps years ago she had the fortitude to continue. But there were wounds still deep within her that were still breaking her down, and there was only so much energy that could be spent both on Kamuli, and in maintaining herself. And in this moment, she simply faltered, and slipped into quiet tears. Kalmuli wasn't the only wreck in the room.
  10. "Shhh... it's okay. You may not trust yourself but I know you won't hurt me, even if you lose yourself. We will work together, love... so you can get control of yourself, of your life back." Kala spared a hand to gently pet at Kalmuli's head reassuring her. It took a long time for Kala to build her on control, her own center to work from, and even then there was a constant threat. It was this fear, this inner distrust that Kalmuli was thrashing with, that became a cornerstone, a start to work from. It was painful, wrenching. But at least here Kalmuli would have some form of comfort, even in her pain, that the person she was struggling for was there, and loved her all the more for her efforts. "Here is what I will promise you. One session a day. You and I will take turns on the timing. Outside those times, we control ourselves. We keep the flirting subtle in public and try not to disturb people who are uncomfortable. People we trust, and are okay with our sharing we can talk openly about it with. We respect their boundaries and pay attention to their reactions. When alone, we can talk freely... and we should. Honestly. We should see how we can best be together. But it will not be the sole focus of our life together. I will help show you other ways of feeling whole again. Other things besides thrills that will ease the suffering. And we will both explore together the things that will bring our life the feeling of completion we both want." Kala gently opened the set of hands that held the rings quietly and claimed them. "These will be ours again, when you feel ready." Kala was more than ready to state her vows again in that moment, but her dependency upon Kalmuli was in a different shape than Kalmuli's and right now, Kalmuli was not in a place where she felt right of mind to make that decision. The Avion would wait patiently for the day to come. For now, her beloved needed comfort, and assistance in refocusing herself after being lost for so many ages.
  11. Kalmuli could feel it in their touch so intensely that it created an almost physical representation in her mind. She stood at the top of a damn, a cavernous drop behind her where she saw the water, the expressed emotion, pour out with gentle control behind it. The emotion she saw. But on the other side she saw the crested water of emotion behind the wall now. A mixture of deep loves and pains always hidden away. Churning, and burbling, almost as if it boiled and tormented at the same time. In the waters she saw Kala's fear of Kalmuli's rejection, her leaving, her simply finding someone better suiting her aims. She saw the fear of Kalmuli drained and worn, looking like someone deprived of all life, having tapped the well of lust and emotions till its banking point and having not thing to grow from, to grow beyond, simply becoming an ever resetting husk for lifetimes. Kalmuli could see Kala's own barely contained desire, wrapped tightly in guilt. The passionate encounters they both crave deeply endlessly occurring. They were mixed with more homely desires, up to and including the possibility of children. But all of it was checked behind concern, the worry of the sullen, empty face of Kalmuli, being less like herself and more like a mindless robot, lost to creature comfort. Then she did not just see it emotionally but felt it down to the core. The broken seam in his being a fragment of madness all the way down that was held only by the weight of all other things. The part of him so broken, so maddened by grief that the right things said, or done would just tear all the mask away and leave a lunatic behind. One of those deep cracks being the devastation felt when losing Kalmuli, to giving into fear, and the failed attempt to create a world. A world that bore her true-name - that was impossible to keep together. Her kindness, her clam, their chemistry beyond the simple physical attraction, it helped keep him together, helped keep 'them' feeling normal, feeling welcomed. A sense of belonging that held the pieces together, gave something that resembled a whole. He strove to mixed success to hold himself together. Her presence helped salve that. But there was a redoubled strength to hold himself together seeing her torn so. To the point of willingly surrendering his natural state to put a stronger face forward for her, that could share in her fixes on occasion just to give her a moment of calm. But they knew it would only further rock the core. If Kalmuli moved towards the waters they would shift rapidly, letting her gaze at the broken pieces but moving the bits that reacted to her to move forward, a warm wash of water slipping about. And the memory of how water always seemed to be a healing place for them surfaced in Kala's emotions. She would realize, physically, that Kala had approached to turn sit behind Kalmuli, draping her wings about her a moment in a gentle hug. And Kalmuli knew, if she concentrated on centering herself for just a while with her partner. Kala would not hold her emotions, or her desires back from her. But, for now, she wanted them both to work together to pull themselves together just for a moment and allow them both to breathe.
  12. "What you do isn't a terrible thing... what it's doing to you is terrible. What you are doing to you is terrible. And I want to help you heal. That is all." Kala pulled in closer and held a hand up. "I haven't done this in a while, so I apologize. But at the very least I can help you gain a small measure of control... by doing what I've been avoiding. By letting you in. By empathizing with you. Perhaps then you may get a sense of how I really feel. And why this won't be quick or easy for either of us." With her hands she slowly removed her gloves and looked at Kalmuli in her eyes. "You may want me now... but you want me as a addict wants her fix and as much as I want you in turn I know doing it your way won't be healthy for either of us. So my bounds are this... we take it slow. For now... I want to offer you this, a way to connect that isn't sexual. A way to feel warm when your insides are cold. It may not be the same and it may not solve the problem... but it is a way to make good on my promise that I am here for you." Kala tilts her head. "Take my hand, Fae, if you trust me. I won't invade your mind or take anything from you. This will be one way, like the heat of my flesh. It won't stop your desires but I hope with time it will help you let it take a better shape."
  13. "You'd have to do something really terrible for me to be even remotely in the realm of considering that. And that terrible is relative, you have an idea of what things I've seen." Kala said with a chuckle, looking at her with kind and patient eyes. "Just because I cannot, or will not keep up with the pace of your sexual drive does not mean that I suddenly hate you. But it does mean we have things to talk about." Kala pulled her hand out from her pocket and held the object she was fiddling with in front of her to show Kalmuli, it was his part of the pair of wedding rings that betrothed their original selves together. "We've been through rougher waters. I don't think you'll need to be leaping off of any cliffs to reach me with how you feel this time. But I do want to say that this time... I may have some experience in what your going through emotionally. And... I think you're smart enough to know that it's just not really working for you. You're still running to the next thrill, you... just switched from combat to copulation." Kala sighed and shook her head. "You know what happens after the sex stopped being so thrilling for me? The next step in the process? I can tell you're headed there. Duty. You'll take the title of Baroness more seriously, or you'll get full into the Fateweaver business you're wrapped up in. The idea of purpose will eat away at you cause you keep looking for that feeling that's going to fill that gaping hole inside. And these things handed to you seem like good things, worthwhile things. I'm noticing a bit more of that as well happening." Kala adjusted her seating leaned in a bit to offer the ring for Kamuli to hold the ring herself for a while. "Sorry if that seems a bit blunt - but that's how I got to be who I am: Those same steps. I eventually realized something, and it's not really good news."
  14. Kala nodded to Gizelle and did what she was told, giving a thankful smile before closing the door immediately behind her in the room with Kalmuli. She looked at the pile of pillows and the woman she knew was hiding under it, and remained silent a long moment. Instead of simply internalizing her thoughts and feelings, however, Kala, in a softer tone, spoke her thoughts aloud. "This room feels a bit too familiar to be comfortable." Kala stated quietly. "It feels like where I hid myself away, when everything collapsed. Hm." Kala leaned over and plucked a pillow from the edge of the pile, pulling it to the side and setting it open, before folding her legs and sitting herself on top of it. Another long pause, another quite moment in which Kala let herself just breath and Kalmuli get adjusted to her presence there. "You know, if I was my birth gender right now, my heart would be thundering in my chest. I would be panicked at the thought that you'd grow bitter at my reprimand, resent me for talking as such after all I've done, and then push me away. But I see you here and I think I might a bit more ware about how you feel. It's a bit similar, yes? So, I'll say this again and please hear me: I'm not going anywhere, Fae. Not unless you want me gone." Kala had less of the hangups Kalar did, but even then, the female form could only manage the pet name version that they shared together privately. At least for now. But even offering that hopefully was enough. Kala's hand fiddled into her robe a moment and she tilted her head. "Can you come out and talk a while? I think it would do us some good to clear the air... even in here."
  15. Kala was mute. She noted the leave and decided to follow. There was no further reason for her to explain why or apologize to the remainder. They would continue to have the conversation at a later time. As she passed Gizelle, she tapped the woman gently on her shoulder to indicate that she wanted to have responsibility for this aspect. After all, it was the first time Kala had given Kalmuli a hard rebuke since returning that was more than just correction and lecture. This was a personal boundary Kala had checked Kalmuli on, and it needed to be discussed and clarified. The only one who can do that, who could reassure Kalmuli of her place and confidence in this case, was Kala herself - at least that was the thought process running through the Avion's mind as she zipped down the hall. She used her light weight to her advantage and hers sense of bond with Kalmuli to guide her almost flight-like steps. She did not care where she was going, only that she was following the trail. The sent, the sensation, and Kalmuli's impact on the aether. The light steps belied the growing weight in her heart. Kala was indelicate, but not uncaring. The Avion hoped that her firm stance was not too much for the elfish beloved to bear.
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