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Winter's Sorrow

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About Winter's Sorrow

  • Rank
    Journeyman
  • Birthday 11/24/1995

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  • Gender
    Insane
  • Location
    I'm always lost.
  • Occupation
    Professional Professional

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  1. Khari flipped her own weapon back into the straps on her back, fastening them quickly. She agreed with the two that had left, that is, their decision to leave. There was no point trying to harm a creature that most likely could not be touched by mundane weaponry, and the lack of responses to there being a pyrotechnic only furthered her decision. They were not going to live trying to kill this creature, so leaving was the best option. "I'm with those two," Khari addressed the remaining few. "You all can stay here and fight, but I'm afraid it'll most likely be futile. You can follow us, or go off on your own. I don't care." Taking Lucy's words into account, she was most cautious to not step into the light. If the rock embedded into the tree was any indication, it would quite a mess if the creature got a hold of one of the members. Though, it would be a pity to not see someone be ripped apart in such a manner. Quickly leaving the scene, she quietly followed in the footsteps of Tana and Lucy, keeping a fair distance away, but not enough so that she was out of earshot. Then again, it would be best if she made her presence known. Remembering how hostile of a group she was in, it would not be wise of her to sneak around quietly as if she were eavesdropping. Keeping up a positive look would be best, if she wished to betray them later. "You said we were to arrive at the distortion by tonight, yes?" she questioned, directing it at Lucy. It wasn't as if she didn't already know the answer, having heard it clearly beforehand. No, the courteousness was to keep up her appearance. Despite everyone being on edge for betrayal, it was still a good idea to have some pleasantries about oneself. The less she was suspected, and she no doubt knew she was suspected, the better when she decided to shed someone's blood and life. The marshland, too was no exception to everyone's heightened awareness. This place was dangerous, if the previous encounter was a good enough example. It would likely kill a couple of them once they made it into the distortion. "I hope the others took your advice and left as well," Khari continued. "I fear that we are not equipped to deal with such creatures. If there exists a creature even a fraction of that previous one's power in the distortion, I feel that several of us will not leave this marsh." That is, several will not leave the marsh from either the creatures or the party itself. She didn't know yet. Most of the group had an air of danger about them, but it was impossible to tell if betrayal was part of their current schedule. To add to that, she felt the lingering hatred within her that she was unable to hurt the creature. It would be hard to keep it down currently, but with time, she should be able to keep it in check quite easily. A pity such an event had to occur. Bloodshed would come, but it had to wait. The perfect moment would show itself when the time was right.
  2. If the circumstances had been any different, Khari would not have preserved her spot among the rest of the party as the assailing projectile was launched back towards them. However, she felt, and saw, that the intended target was not her, as she was standing a fair distance away from the rest of the group. It did not take long for the outcome of the situation to resolve itself. The blade was deflected out of the air, of which could only have been done by magic, likely the smaller one, Jen, she believed, given her blatant use of magic before they had entered the marshland. Her suspicions were answered mere moments later at the sound of a peculiar voice inside her head. It had likeness to the small girl's, but sounded as if it came from an individual several years her senior. A strange, if not interesting notion to think about after the encounter, to be sure of it. There was more to the young looking girl than it seemed. Khari shuffled her grip along her spear. Jen's telecommunications at least helped prove, if at least slightly, the assertions the creature had just given them. Other than that, she was out of luck. A being of shadows lay quite out of her expertise in more mundane combat, and she didn't dare attack the being until she was sure she could hurt it using more conventional methods. "Don't look to me in that case," she responded to the group aloud, guessing the message was projected to everyone. "I have nothing of that sort at my disposal. We have yet to see if we can hurt it by normal means, though. Pity that knife hit the tree instead." This. This was curious indeed. Khari leered at the newcomer out of the corner of her eyes, taking great care not to lose sight of where the beast was sitting currently. She needed to be ready to run, if such was the case. This newcomer was either an absolute fool of a traveler, as coming up with the idea that a fish, a mere fish, could be capable of using shadows to its advantages and sending back weaponry, or he was obfuscating stupidity to the rest of them. It wasn't a foolhardy plan either, but the absurdity of such an observation was quite...blatant, given the way he moved himself after his grand entrance. "I doubt there exists a fish that could perform such a feat," she denounced somewhat irritably. "If there is, then you can tell me off later, but I agree with what was said previously. Did you all see it when it took the knife? It uses the shadows as either a medium of travel, or for more practical uses. It's the best we have so far." The beast was taking its sweet time. The longer they stood there, formulating a plan, the larger the chance it strike without warning. Khari still could not see the monster quite clearly, but here and there, she caught glimpses of shadowy whispers where the knife had lain. This would be a difficult trial to overcome, to say the absolute least. And here she was, hoping to let someone's blood run along the ground sometime soon. She prayed the beast wouldn't be the first to draw some of the group. It would simply deny her of the pleasure.
  3. "That's if we can kill this....thing," Khari muttered loudly enough for those nearest to hear. Truly, how would one kill a creature that was seemingly invisible to the naked eye? She narrowed her eyes, scanning the marshland as the beast neared closer and closer to their location. She could see branches and trees break and lean sideways from some force touching them, but no sign of such a creature causing it. That meant either it was a creature concealed by magic, or it inherently had the ability to disappear. She didn't care, not at the moment. She didn't give a damn about half the creatures this world contained, only that every one could die, and hell, she'd find a way to make it bleed even if it killed her. Though, it would be preferable to not end in her premature death. She'd like to try and murder at least one other member of their party before such a threat presented itself to her. Khari gritted her teeth and drew the spear from her back. She didn't like open combat, but this monster definitely knew where they were, and if she was to stand any kind of chance, she'd need something better than a pitiful knife. She slid a finger down one of its blades, feeling for the biting edge before retracting said finger. Sharp, and dangerous, just how she liked it. If this creature had any flesh, she'd be sure to try and rend it, though it'd be a pity if she'd be denied the pleasure. "Since none of us have quite put it forth," she then began, "I sense none of us know what creature this might be. I'm sure we'd all appreciate it if those who have any idea could tell us..." And so, she waited with baited breath for the first to strike. Not out of fear for the monster, nor out of respect for her companions' wishes. She needed someone else to give her any glimmer of idea of the monster before she'd attack, whether it be a failed attempt, successful strike, or plain information. "And I'm sure we'd all also appreciate it if it was quickly done, because I feel we're about to be attacked by this monster if we stay here."
  4. Honestly, I couldn't have said anything like that better myself. That defining trait is certainly what keeps my characters, as well as others' characters, interesting to me. There exists this permanence to a character when they're portrayed in ways you most certainly don't want to behave, which is what makes them so interesting play as. While this is just building off of what's been said previously, let's say this. Here your character is, talking to someone. They just issued a contract to kill someone your character is actually quite fond of, for a large sum of money of course. Now, we're left with many different decisions and course of action to be taken at this point. Of course, here's the real decision. Do you act as your character, using every bit of backstory and logic at their own disposal to make a choice? Or do you give in to your own inner decisions and make a more illogical choice compared to your character? When I look at it either way, neither (OOC) choices are truly the right decision, but it, for me, is what leads to the more interesting portion of understanding character. I want so desperately to do what I believe is the right thing, but here my character is, accepting a hit on my character's closest friend because they supposedly just learned of something that caused me to hate them deeply. It's not about what I do with the character that keeps them interesting, but what they should do that keeps them interesting. Basically, outside of RP, I thoroughly enjoy being as nice as possible to those around me. I enjoy being courteous to others, and helping where I can. Creating a character that makes....less than lawful and morally decent choices is a sort of thrill that really cannot be gotten outside of RP without going against who I really stand for. It's interesting to put myself in the shoes of a criminal, see how they act and how they respond to situations, and act accordingly. As my character? Sure, I'll kill a companion out of sheer spite. Sure, I'll rob children blind because my character would gain great pleasure in causing misery. Would I do it in real life? Hell no. I'd be disgusted with myself. I personally believe creating a polar opposite character compared to one's own personality is both the greatest challenge, and greatest amount of fun. It's fiction, and has no bearing on the real world. It's a place where we are and are not at the same time. Though, perhaps this isn't to your liking. Perhaps doing bad deeds inside fiction sickens you just as much in the real world, and to be completely honest? That's quite alright. We all experience things in different ways, so I can't judge, and will never judge, if this way of keeping a character interesting isn't what you'd see ever working. So here it is, my thoughts on why I think creating murderers is so fun and interesting. Maybe it's a weird way of thinking, but it's how I do it!
  5. Interesting, interesting, interesting. If I may put forth my own two cents here, (And of course, I may be exceedingly off the mark here, given most of my experience is littered more in self-evaluation rather than actual critique from my peers), I genuinely agree with building around the idea of flaws to create a more well rounded character. I believe things one's character might struggle with, whether it be actions, emotions, or any general occurrence in daily life also count as good flaws for a character to grow from. It brings forward a sense of realism to the table, that 'hey, I'm stuck against this wall here, can I do something to overcome it, or does something hold me back?' Then again, while I'm writing this, it makes me think. A character's struggle is a complex way of bringing up all available traits, both physical, mental, and emotional, though the last two could also be paired as one. It feels like a new way to describe an inherent flaw in one's character, just hidden behind a specific scene. There could be hundreds of reasons why your character can't overcome this difficulty, and they're all piled into a single point of interest. I guess what I'm getting at here is that struggles are a sort of culmination of the flaws a character is built around, therefore presenting yet another way this character is unique among the thousands of others around them. Though, I may have some holes here, so correct me if I'm interpreting this wrong, or have just restated what's already been said. Continuing forward here on what makes the characters I've created fresh, I might have to put another disclaimer here: I've only got one character here on Valucre at the moment, Khari Verane. I've been crafting her personality and over-arching character model for years, and she still feels incomplete in many ways, but I believe this just leads to further understanding of why she is. Bringing forth the basics of when I first designed Khari's character, I remember distinctly writing her as almost a secondary antagonist in a way, a very selfish notion to steal away the limelight in a gray-on-gray morality situation. The end product today never reached that goal, simply because it didn't make sense to build a character around that sort of thing. Where was the drive to creating her? I don't remember when the switch happened, though I know it happened before I came here to Valucre. I was in another forum, using the skeletal basis of what she is today when it suddenly clicked. I'd created a character with pent-up aggression, belligerence, and indescribable hate that was being bottled behind a fake wall, but it had nowhere to go. Here, I came to figure out that her character wanted to find closure, in any form. Death, understanding, anything to give a reason behind her drive. I feel as if I've rattled on for too long, though. I know, for certain, I don't have as much experience in role-playing as many do here, and that is also reflected in my character building as well. I find that while flaws build the character, drive explains the character. This drive, this reason for why they act, is greatly influenced by backstory. This is where I believe both mine, and many others' characters, can fall short. Honestly, I think this all boils down to me still not quite nailing down specifically what works for me with characters. I believe I've finally reached a point where complexity just explodes with my characters, thus leaving me in the open at the how and why. Still, I don't believe a good character should be completely well-rounded at the very end. Of course, there should be limitations here and there, but the extremes, especially extreme flaws and problems, are *ahem* extremely fun to play with.
  6. Khari narrowed her eyes in the direction of the ever-looming creature, yet she could not see hide nor hair of a beast of any sort. That wasn't to say she thought it a foul trick instead; there was indeed something traipsing along their path, and growing ever so closer with every passing second they waited. She exhaled quietly, not realizing she had been holding her breath for the past half-minute. This was not the time to act rashly. She would stand by and wait to see what the other, more charismatic members decided they would do. She would gain nothing from attacking an unseen threat, as even she did not know many of the monsters that inhabited this land. Especially not the land near a temporal disturbance. Her reverie was broken by the sudden stumble of a young man into the vicinity, causing her hand to shoot to one of her many daggers underneath her cloak. It paid to be careful, in times like these. Khari leered at the newcomer, taking great care to leave an ear open for the other danger that lurked nearby. He was of a bedraggled sort, but that could have been attributed to his sudden rush into the open. Perhaps he had been in the swamp earlier than the rest of them? She did not remember his figure as clearly as the rest, to be sure. Nay, he was one of them. One who accepted the wizard's quest, but had set out alone. A pity she did not join him. He would have made easy pickings had they traveled together, or so it appeared at the moment. The quieter one, Tana, she believed was her name, had taken it upon herself to confront the newcomer. A ghost of a smile played itself upon Khari's lips. This one was no stranger to surprise attacks, given the speed she whipped a knife to the newcomer's throat. She decided it would be a good time to break her silence, albeit in a more hushed tone than normal. "I do believe we have a larger problem at hand, here," she softly explained, pointing in the direction of the roars. "And while I agree we should not trust this one as of yet, we do not want to provoke this beast's temper." Closing her eyes and letting out a soft sigh, Khari backed up a pace. Did she impose herself too directly, or was this the more proper plan of action? It mattered not to her if the beast were to spot them, but she feared she would not achieve enough bloodshed of her own if that were the case. "I'd rather we figure out what must be done here, else we all die before our quest even begins, yes?" A calm temperament, an open mind, and alertness. She needed all of this now more than ever. It was difficult controlling herself to the absolute maximum in such a large group. Perhaps she would be better splitting off with others if someone else suggested it along the way. For now, she needed to focus on the more important matters, namely, the new dangers.
  7. It seemed she had left much later than she thought, as a small group had already formed by the outskirts of the city as Khari arrived. Recognizing several that the wizard had hired merely by their shape, it was for certain these were several members of the would be competition, or 'companions', that were to find the lost items. Why were so many hired in the first place? Did the wizard wish to ensure betrayal within such a ragtag group? Catching up to the group at last, Khari let down her hood, despite the rain. Her hair would get wet no matter if she had something to cover it with. "I see none of us took no expense to get started as soon as possible," she said softly, carefully eyeing the others. "Though it is quite disappointing our benefactor withheld that we would not be alone." The four in front of her could not have been more different, now that she could see them juxtaposed. It would be interesting to learn where everyone fit in the concept of moral decency, but she would not hold her breath on hoping for those with a kindhearted soul. The looks about these few, at least several of them, reminded her of herself. A well hidden, yet sinister motive kept behind an unassuming mask. It would be fun to unravel the true intentions that everyone held. In the end, someone was going to be overtaken by their greed and wish to fatten their own personal reward. Was it not something she herself was planning on doing? "But, who am I to speak to you all without addressing myself?" Khari went on, a small smile tugging at the corner of her lips. "I'm Khari, just another person looking for a decent amount of coin before I continue on my travels." In situations preceding this, she would have shook hands with the others, but it seemed too many to become acquainted with in such a way, as she was late in coming. "I overheard the tail-end of your conversation as I arrived here, and I, for one, do not mind whether or not we wait for the other hires to arrive." It would take time to understand her companions, time to find their weaknesses, their motives. It would not surprise her in the slightest if they discovered her true intentions, as well. Exercising caution would be important for the future. "Nevertheless, I am pleased to make your acquaintances."
  8. Rain. A pitiful excuse to forego any previous sentiments of the future, or so Khari thought. She wasn't stupid, she felt the wizard had ulterior motives in his job offer, but the sum of gold he offered was far too good to pass up. Besides, danger was a welcome sight to her. She brushed a strand of hair out of her eyes, scanning those the wizard deemed fit to approach. It seems she wasn't to be alone in this foray after all, despite his hinting at it to be a solo undertaking. It was no matter, she would dispose of the competition in due time. Either that, or erode everyone from within if they perchance decide to stick together. Perhaps it would be best if she were to leave sooner, rather than later, before prying eyes decided to judge her roaming vision too harshly. Whether she wished it or not, Khari knew she would meet them along the way. Only fate would tell if their meetings remained peaceful or not. Casually strolling into the murky weather, she donned her cloak's hood above her head, protecting it from the offending downpour. It seemed dawn had arrived not but at most a few hours ago, as she surmised from the ever brightening, yet gloomy sky. She smiled. The weather was perfect. Who knew what other travelers she would meet in search of the wizard's 'misplaced' baubles? It mattered not to her how dangerous they could be; everyone had some way of breaking. Again, she'd find out as time wore on. In the back of her mind, Khari planned how she would tackle this wizard's quest. Not being too keen on magic herself, she did not know what to expect when going inside the temporal distortion. Perhaps it was a foolish move on her part to accept based off of so little information? Then again, the excitement of possible death moved her forward, as nothing could beat such a thrill. The edge of the city came into view some few minutes later with little happening along the way. The city, still waking up to a dreadful morning, lay quiet as she passed by. Nevertheless, the rain continued its relentless assault as she walked along the streets. Her eyes glistening underneath the shadow of her hood, Khari kept onward. Perhaps it would be best if she greeted her supposed companions as a friend, rather than an enemy. It would feel all the better when she plunged a knife in their neck afterward, yes? Smirking ever so slightly, she adjusted her wet hood, and made sure she still had her spear securely fastened on her back. One could never be too prepared in this world, especially not a murderer.
  9. Also, as a supposed afterthought, since you mentioned this little campaign isn't entirely canon I'll be using my sole character, Khari Verane. Just so no confusion is made prior to the unraveling of this adventure ;)
  10. Now here's something that looks quite interesting! Mind if I join in on the chaotic fun as well? Seeing that it's apparently going to start quite soon, I know it's short notice, so I apologize for that.
  11. My, how the time that has flown by has.....well, flown by. Terrible way of putting an analogy in here. Ah, well, who's to worry too much about that. It seems like just yesterday I signed up into this world! Well...now I'm back in action! A toast, to everyone, new and old!
  12. Open

    Rude, a word that was not often placed in Khari's vocabulary, as was due in fact that she gave not one ounce of thought to it when acting upon her own whims. However, this strange little word decided to plant itself in her mind as she was slowly woken from her emotion driven slumber. She had slept deeper than ever before after the previous night's events, after she.....wait.   "What happened last night again?" She wondered in the brief moments before all hell broke loose in their hotel room (Caused by her of course). Her mind had shut out the previous night completely, not one memory resurfaced. The pain would have been too great for her to bear again. "Strange," she continued to think, "I could have sworn I lost my temper last night..."   Suddenly realizing she was being rocked back and forth by a foreign hand, she suddenly got up with a bolt, lashing out with what she thought would have been a knife in her hand, but was instead her previously wounded palm as it reached forward to smack Carlyle in the chest. Not only did Khari not like being woken by others, she extremely disliked since this was the most content she had been in years. How rude.   Wait........   She didn't have a knife in her hand, they were all resting on a table a few feet away. Her hand was wounded and hurt something fierce. Her skin felt a little strange leading from the eye to her chin, as if....   "What in hell's name happened last night?" She thought bewilderedly, before her hand came in contact with Carlyle.   Whatever it was, not only did she not want to remember, but she wanted to forget and move on.
  13. Open

    "I promise..."   These were Carlyle's final words before her subconscious tuned out everything within Khari's mind. She didn't truly hear it, but she would remember these words forever. Her calm visage no longer that of the crazed woman from earlier, it showed the rest of the most content of individuals, one who finally found peace with the outside world.   Peace, did it the word even exist to Khari? Constantly on edge, constantly hyping her body to the slightest of errors that may come her way. What did Carlyle's promise entail to her? That......she did not know, nor would she ever know that such a promise existed.   "I promise..."   A promise to keep her true to who she should be? A promise to return the pure emotion she lost so long ago? A promise to return innocence to a victim of loss and depression, one who underwent a cruel childhood? Her body felt the promise, felt the emotion it brought with it. It wished to bring back what gave it relaxation, what gave it exuberant joy, what animated it once more with life, rather than a husk of anger and hate.   "I promise..."   The body wanted to keep the promise, to return to the past, but the heart, the mind, the instinct, they all said no. The mind, it was broken long ago, and only knew how to think of hateful and wretched thoughts of others. No room was left for kindness or love, all must be shut out.   "I promise..."   The instinct, it knew nothing other than to survive and to trust none but the mind. Why consider a promise when such a promise would encroach upon what instinct had believed in for years?   "I promise..."   Finally, the heart. A heart would keep no promise if said heart was inflicted with pain. Khari's heart.......suffered the worst pain fathomable. It was broken, shattered, and crushed. It knew nothing but scorn, sorrow, and hurt. Such a promise would be forgotten instantaneously. But...   "I promise..."   ...there was something impossible that the mind, heart, and instinct did not account for.   The soul. Trumping all others, it kept the promise sacred in itself, hidden deep, deep, deep within the confines of Khari's consciousness, it nested all she locked away. It kept her past locked to protect her, but that time was nearing its end. The soul's locks were weakening, the long lost memories resurfacing.   Because of the selfless servant that was rocking his mistress to sleep. He finally broke through the restraints, the mind, the instinct, the heart, and reached Khari's soul. And for that, her soul....no.....Khari, was grateful. Grateful she finally had someone to bring her back to what she was before she lost her innocence.   Although she did not know yet she was grateful. It would not be acknowledged. Nevertheless, it had started, the events had begun to click into motion. All because of two selfless words.   "I promise..."
  14. Open

    Helpless......... Confused....... Khari was not in a right state of mind, she was simply dumbfounded at the impact of her own resurfaced emotions. She wanted to retaliate, she wanted to hurt Carlyle for treating her like a scared child!   But she couldn't. She couldn't bring herself to hurt him no matter how hard she willed herself to do it. The continuous rocking lulled her into an almost comatose state, her wicked thoughts beginning to melt from her mind, replaced with kinder memories she wished to not remember. She remembered it now, in her father's arms night after night, whether it be a bad dream, a storm raging outside, or just wanting to be comforted for some reason.   She felt the kindness in Carlyle's motions as she cradled next to his chest, and it genuinely scared her, it scared her at what she was to become. Resurfacing her past would destroy her, she couldn't allow it to happen! But.......she felt so.......content.   Khari's eyes closed, no longer cold, mischievous, or even malignant. Calmness emanated from her body, and she slumped over in sleep, undamaged hand resting against her servants chest, with the other hanging down to the side. It was amazing how quickly exhaustion took her over when emotions were present. Carlyle, how strange of a man was he, selfless in his actions, loving in his care, and always willing to help even the cruelest beings.   Tonight, Khari would dream of a time long ago, before she degenerated into the murderess she was today, a time when she was full of exuberant emotion. She would not remember the dream in the morning, she would barely remember the night before and how she crumpled into an emotional mess simply by witnessing an act of pure kindness.   Because her shattered soul would not allow such transgressions to her nature. It would not let love, happiness, kindness, any sort of selfless and pure emotion enter without consequence. Although, it had already missed one consequence it had not accounted for. Reliance.   Whether she wanted it or not, Khari now shared a link with Carlyle, and it would never be forgotten. She would never be able to bring herself to kill her servant in the future. But as of now, she would not know any of this. Tonight, she would sleep, she would recuperate, and she would forget.   Nevertheless, the change had come, much like her dream had told her.
  15. Open

    Helplessness, it began to engulf her the moment her servant began his tender work towards the care of his mistress. How could he be so caring towards someone he met not so long ago? Someone whom he witnessed commit murder out of sheer spite towards a living creature! It was maddening, horrifying......   Loving. The warmth of Carlyle's actions burnt her to the very core, the emotion so long lost to her it felt like poison ran through her veins. "Here now, Madame...all will be well. I'm going to stop the bleeding, although some slight stinging shall be expected. You may injure me to your hearts desire, if it shall help alleviate your pain.." said he, lowering to his knees to take care of his mistress. She was one that he should fear, not help!   The emotion kept her swept away, the audacity of her servants actions leaving her absolutely speechless. He left for a moment, only to come back later to alleviate the pain in her hand, wiping away the blood that dripped from her fingers. Yet, no words came forth from Khari's partially open mouth. "Here now, Madame...all will be well. I'm going to stop the bleeding, although some slight stinging shall be expected. You may injure me to your hearts desire, if it shall help alleviate your pain.." were the words of comfort coming forth.   She could see the worry in his eyes, not worry of her, no, worry for her. How could this selflessness be so prominent, how could it eclipse murder! Khari began to shake, the emotion ripping through her. She couldn't handle this newfound feeling, it wasn't right! "See now, it's alright...everything is alright," he continued in his comfort, tying a bowtie around her now clean hand. It stung slightly, but she had been through much worse before.   The recesses in her mind began to open, rusted shut for years of torment and misery. Unwanted memories sprang forth in her brain, and she was quick to repress such thoughts, until...   "I'm sorry...I'm so so sorry, Madame Verane...It's my fault. It's all my fault." Unavoidable, impossible, yet her servant was in disgrace with himself for his selflessness towards her. It wasn't right, it couldn't be true. The tears spread in Carlyle's eyes were terrifying.   Because she felt them in hers, as well. Ever since her father's death, she felt no tears leave her eyes. Yet......as her servant gazed into her eyes, she felt the emotion that tore through her body like a flaming arrow through grass tear free from the holds of her body a single tear.   Down   Down   Down   Trailing past her nose, her cheek, and finally, dripping onto the floor. Silence.   Thus, the silence would become no more. She repressed her emotions, rage returned to her ey--....   No, the rage she felt, but to show it.......impossible right now.