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Veloci-Rapture

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  1. Thanks
    Veloci-Rapture reacted to zackrobbman in Anyone want to beta read my unpublished urban fantasy/mystery?   
    I'm genuinely interested in your style of writing (no lie, you write good stuff) and would love to take a look at your manuscript! Doing so might remind me of how bad I've gotten and discourage me from ever finishing that 'One novel I started writing when I was twelve', but I'd be happy just to have something new to delve into. So uhhhh....how we gonna do dis'? Pm'n me a link or do I gotta prove my worthiness by going to some mythical mountain and defeating their finest warrior? I hope it's not the latter, cause I'm definitely too unmotivated fight for my life.¬†ūüėÖ¬†
  2. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from zackrobbman in Anyone want to beta read my unpublished urban fantasy/mystery?   
    On the theory of "The worst they can do is ignore me", I'm pushing aside my anxiety and asking for beta readers. 
    Improvisational Jazz is an urban fantasy/mystery and is about 90,000 words long. There's a lot of cussing, some blood, and some moderate violence.
    Story details below, for anyone who's interested:
    After three revisions, it's finally come to the point where I need other people to read it so I can answer the following questions:
    1) Is this garbage?
    2) Is the mystery too easy?
    3) Is the mystery impossibly complicated?
    4) Will anyone like the characters?
    5) This is garbage, isn't it?
    Anyone who wants to help me answer those questions, let me know. 
    If I know you, and have written with you before, be assured that you can ignore this and I won't take it personally. Reading some n00b's unpublished manuscript is often at least as painful as finding someone to read some n00b's unpublished manuscript is. 
  3. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from supernal in Anyone want to beta read my unpublished urban fantasy/mystery?   
    So far, so good. I have a few readers, and one person who's finished it so far. The person who finished it had rave reviews, which makes me happy. ūüėĄ¬†
    There's no time limit, and the more eyes I can get on this thing, the better it's going to be!
  4. Thanks
    Veloci-Rapture reacted to Noko in Anyone want to beta read my unpublished urban fantasy/mystery?   
    @Veloci-RaptureI'm happy to help, and I read a bunch, so hit me up with the details if you're still interested. ūüôā
  5. Thanks
    Veloci-Rapture reacted to Nobilis in Anyone want to beta read my unpublished urban fantasy/mystery?   
    I sent you a message.
  6. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from Walk Among The Abyss in Anyone want to beta read my unpublished urban fantasy/mystery?   
    On the theory of "The worst they can do is ignore me", I'm pushing aside my anxiety and asking for beta readers. 
    Improvisational Jazz is an urban fantasy/mystery and is about 90,000 words long. There's a lot of cussing, some blood, and some moderate violence.
    Story details below, for anyone who's interested:
    After three revisions, it's finally come to the point where I need other people to read it so I can answer the following questions:
    1) Is this garbage?
    2) Is the mystery too easy?
    3) Is the mystery impossibly complicated?
    4) Will anyone like the characters?
    5) This is garbage, isn't it?
    Anyone who wants to help me answer those questions, let me know. 
    If I know you, and have written with you before, be assured that you can ignore this and I won't take it personally. Reading some n00b's unpublished manuscript is often at least as painful as finding someone to read some n00b's unpublished manuscript is. 
  7. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from supernal in Anyone want to beta read my unpublished urban fantasy/mystery?   
    On the theory of "The worst they can do is ignore me", I'm pushing aside my anxiety and asking for beta readers. 
    Improvisational Jazz is an urban fantasy/mystery and is about 90,000 words long. There's a lot of cussing, some blood, and some moderate violence.
    Story details below, for anyone who's interested:
    After three revisions, it's finally come to the point where I need other people to read it so I can answer the following questions:
    1) Is this garbage?
    2) Is the mystery too easy?
    3) Is the mystery impossibly complicated?
    4) Will anyone like the characters?
    5) This is garbage, isn't it?
    Anyone who wants to help me answer those questions, let me know. 
    If I know you, and have written with you before, be assured that you can ignore this and I won't take it personally. Reading some n00b's unpublished manuscript is often at least as painful as finding someone to read some n00b's unpublished manuscript is. 
  8. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture reacted to danzilla3 in Blood Ties (Port Mars)   
    For all her talk, the good doctor couldn't just stand by and watch two men die when she could do something to intervene. Whether she did so out of empathy or pragmatism didn't matter to Siegfried; only that she complied. He had learned a long time ago that caring about strangers was a good way to get yourself killed. The best way to survive was to put oneself and the people you couldn't live without above all others. As long as the well-being of that core group could be assured, nothing else mattered. He'd already lost most of his core... now he was all that remained.
    Brigid revealed the safe to him, clearly expecting him to just reach in and take what he desired. Fortunately he was not stupid; years of survival first on the streets and then on the battlefield had made him a cautious individual. The doctor was a cagey one. It was entirely likely that she had booby trapped the safe in some manner physically or magically. Standing well back from the safe he reached out with his arcane senses.
    And was shocked.
    The safe was indeed under some kind of magical protection, but the magic was unlike anything he had felt before. No, that wasn't quite right. More precisely, it was a kind of magic that he felt all the time. A magic like his own.
    Turning back to Brigid, he asked, "What is your name?"
  9. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from danzilla3 in Blood Ties (Port Mars)   
    Brigid pursed her lips in annoyance. She gestured at her cane.
    "Do you have any idea how hard it is for me to clean blood from the floor? You really are a caveman, aren't you?"
    Well, he'd pushed the issue, and apparently did in fact believe he could kill the entire city guard single-handedly. And if she didn't let him try, she'd have to explain two dead bodies in the doorway of her shop. There was really only one other option.
    "Fine, you win," she said. She raised her hands to show they were empty, and, leaving her cane propped up against the counter, she hobbled slowly backwards away from the safe. "Come take your prize, caveman. And whatever other shiny things your tribe values."
    She limped her way back to the farthest corner of the shop and leaned on her workbench, making no sudden movements and keeping her hands in the air. Her facial expression was more irked than afraid, which irked her further; she recognized that appearing afraid could have significant benefits when facing an unpredictable man who only thought in power/submission paradigms. Afraid was submissive. Exasperated was not. 
    Fortunately, her indignation would be resolved in a few moments. Watching this so-called "black knight" run screaming down the main street of town after he'd made even incidental contact with the invisible monofilament blood threads criss-crossing the safe opening would be a perfect balm for her current ills. 
  10. Haha
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from amenities in The Fall and Defeat of Lilith Reiter   
    It'd be awesome if he could time it to coincide with one of my bipolar upswings, but the only person who has a chance of being able to pull that off is our lord and savior, RNGesus. 
    And unless shit goes super downhill in the world at large, I still plan to be putting around here in 2025. I may need a recap if it takes that long tho. 
  11. Haha
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from Ataraxy in The Fall and Defeat of Lilith Reiter   
    It'd be awesome if he could time it to coincide with one of my bipolar upswings, but the only person who has a chance of being able to pull that off is our lord and savior, RNGesus. 
    And unless shit goes super downhill in the world at large, I still plan to be putting around here in 2025. I may need a recap if it takes that long tho. 
  12. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from Ataraxy in The Fall and Defeat of Lilith Reiter   
    I'm just over here watching this discussion like "Why does this concept seem so confusing to some people?" 
    So, for the record, I have no complaints and need no clarification at this time. I'm just here to roll along with Raxy's story, happy to be invited, fine to follow the narrative and thrilled if I can create a few moments of character growth for Vetiver along the way. I don't care so much what happens as long as it happens, ya know?
    Carry on!
  13. Like
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from supernal in The Fall and Defeat of Lilith Reiter   
    It'd be awesome if he could time it to coincide with one of my bipolar upswings, but the only person who has a chance of being able to pull that off is our lord and savior, RNGesus. 
    And unless shit goes super downhill in the world at large, I still plan to be putting around here in 2025. I may need a recap if it takes that long tho. 
  14. Like
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from supernal in The Fall and Defeat of Lilith Reiter   
    I'm just over here watching this discussion like "Why does this concept seem so confusing to some people?" 
    So, for the record, I have no complaints and need no clarification at this time. I'm just here to roll along with Raxy's story, happy to be invited, fine to follow the narrative and thrilled if I can create a few moments of character growth for Vetiver along the way. I don't care so much what happens as long as it happens, ya know?
    Carry on!
  15. Like
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from amenities in Valucre music thread   
    Who knew Tunisia had a metal scene? I certainly didn't. 
     
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    Veloci-Rapture reacted to Raptor in Valucre music thread   
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    Veloci-Rapture reacted to Aloesque in Valucre music thread   
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    Veloci-Rapture reacted to Die Shize in Valucre music thread   
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    Veloci-Rapture reacted to King in Valucre music thread   
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    Veloci-Rapture reacted to Lawman in Valucre music thread   
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    Veloci-Rapture reacted to Raptor in Valucre music thread   
  22. Thanks
    Veloci-Rapture reacted to desolate in Links and thread names?   
    link
  23. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from danzilla3 in Blood Ties (Port Mars)   
    Brigid continued to grind her herb, unhurriedly. She glanced up at Siegfried, then returned her eyes to her task with a sniff. 
    "Or what? You'll beat me up, murder me, and take it?" Brigid chuckled and shook her head. "Is that how it works in whatever barbarian frontier you hail from? A big scary man comes into town, kills a storeowner, ransacks their shop, and leaves with whatever he likes, while steely gaze convinces the cowardly local lawman to keep his distance as the brute rides off into the sunset?"
    Brigid set her pestle down and carefully examined the dusty mixture in front of her. Satisfied, she stood up with the help of her cane and slowly walked to the counter, balancing the full mortar in her free hand. 
    "What a shock civilization must be to you. It never occurred to you that of the thirty people who watched a stranger walk into my store in broad daylight, at least four were plainclothes agents of the guard, who even now are spreading your description around the district. They are not deaf to the whispered rumors of my involvement with the criminal underworld. One will pretend to be a browsing customer and try the door here in a minute; when they find it locked, the call will go out for even more guards."
    Brigid set the mortar down on the counter and shifted her oil painting aside, revealing her safe. Nimble fingers began working the combination as she continued to speak. 
    "Regardless of what happens here, you'll be followed and probably detained before you reach the district gate. When the others find my brutalized body and communicate that to their fellows, do you plan to kill them all? The entirety of the Port Mars militia? Or do you think you just need to escape the city, and once you've accomplished that you'll be forgotten about, free to live your wildling life with your pretty shiny prize?"
    She turned to look at him with her hand on the safe's lever, as if torn between curiosity at his answer and getting him out of her shop as fast as possible. The shop's doorknob rattled as someone outside attempted to open it, and Brigid decided on the latter.
    "Fortunately for you, as a member of a civilized nation, I'm reasonable. We can come to an arrangement." She opened the safe and very carefully took a piece of paper off the top shelf, then slid it across the counter to Siegfried. It was an invoice; it listed every herb and concoction she'd used to attempt to treat the dead thief; including a charge for the disposal of his body, cryptically written as "synthesis process: accelerated alkaline hydrolysis". The total on the bottom line was seven thousand pieces of gold. 
    "When I have payment for services rendered--and do note you're getting the guild discount, even though I doubt you're entitled to it--I'll happily hand you your item," she gestured to the pouch in the safe, "along with several bags of medicinal materials which will allow you to avert all suspicion upon your inevitable detention. Welcome to society."
  24. Superlike!
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from danzilla3 in [Nu Sicily] that's gonna hurt.   
    Nunzio listened to Riforte, only giving away his emotions at the word "meathead"; he frowned for a moment, then shrugged. "Meathead" was probably valid. 
    "Yeah, I'll snoop with you. I'll have a list of good snooping targets as soon as we hit the front porch. I intend to snoop them real hard. Maybe even recruit them to help snoop around on the bottom of the river."
    He was relieved to hear that Isadora was not yet a vampire; seeing the wisps of smoke from her skin earlier had sent his heart straight into his gut. He was convinced they'd already turned her.  That relief did little to quell the cold fire burning in his core, however. He stood and took his coat. 
    "I'll go see if my people have my info for me yet. I'll meet you out front whenever you're ready for some percussive snooping." He turned his attention to Jacob and inclined his head. "If I may, Don Fedele?"
  25. Like
    Veloci-Rapture got a reaction from squid peanut in Gender discussion   
    @Ataraxy And talk about "simple answers to complex problems"; this guy just boiled down every atrocity that occurred during the Cold War to being caused exclusively by "diversity" and "equity". Like, wait, WHAT? That's it? There were no complex geopolitical intersections between the east and the west, there were no deep-seated resentments leading to civil wars, there were no resources or strategic geographical positions at play? It was JUST THIS?
    Making people feel guilty about themselves leads directly, quickly, and inexorably to mass death. 
    He believes that anyone who makes him feel guilty is literally trying to kill him. As a psychologist, he might want to examine that in himself. 
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