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Antika

Confession Thread

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I may have been on this site before... but it felt weird coming back after leaving so many times, so i thought it was easier just to be a new user. I have been a presence on this site since 2014

 

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I have become increasingly aware of the fact that there is a total lack of chemistry between most people and myself. 

In fact, my interest in other people has become so nuanced that I suspect I've reached a point where I won't develop chemistry with most people.

I strictly write with you.

I strictly work with you.

I strictly talk to you.

I strictly listen to you.

I mostly ignore you.

I've either ascended to some kind of enlightened state of mind, or my life and emotions have become so compartmentalized that I'm incapable of creating deeper connections.

I guess, maybe what I'm confessing is that, I really have no idea who I am becoming and I'm not sure if I like that person or not.

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7 minutes ago, Praetorian said:

I have become increasingly aware of the fact that there is a total lack of chemistry between most people and myself. 

In fact, my interest in other people has become so nuanced that I suspect I've reached a point where I won't develop chemistry with most people.

I strictly write with you.

I strictly work with you.

I strictly talk to you.

I strictly listen to you.

I mostly ignore you.

I've either ascended to some kind of enlightened state of mind, or my life and emotions have become so compartmentalized that I'm incapable of creating deeper connections.

I guess, maybe what I'm confessing is that, I really have no idea who I am becoming and I'm not sure if I like that person or not.

Sounds so familiar. I've been down a road like that before were it feels like most people are just like an unnecessary point of your existence that you have to deal with because they have to exist for some reason. I just hope you can find who you want to be brother. Been there before and it's a weird trip.

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54 minutes ago, Praetorian said:

I have become increasingly aware of the fact that there is a total lack of chemistry between most people and myself. 

In fact, my interest in other people has become so nuanced that I suspect I've reached a point where I won't develop chemistry with most people.

I strictly write with you.

I strictly work with you.

I strictly talk to you.

I strictly listen to you.

I mostly ignore you.

I've either ascended to some kind of enlightened state of mind, or my life and emotions have become so compartmentalized that I'm incapable of creating deeper connections.

I guess, maybe what I'm confessing is that, I really have no idea who I am becoming and I'm not sure if I like that person or not.

It's more like there is no point in getting to know people at my stage in life. Not online anyway. I like the group I hang out with and realized lately that some will never get to know you, or make the effort. Maybe you have reached some enlightenment and realized life isn't as complicated as some make it seem, or you found the secret to happiness. I was just having a discussion IRL with a friend, about how little I have in common with people and how tired I am of explaining myself to the over sensitive. It gets to be more work imo. I think me and you have talked about similar stuff in the past, but I don't remember. The fact is, you should be comfortable being yourself around "friends," that you enjoy having around. It shouldn't be an ordeal.

You're on to something, either way.

Edited by Deviant

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Ending a friendship is hard. I lost trust and faith.

This week has been a terrible week, and I confess I lost sight of my path because I let myself be taken advantage of, and taken for granted by people in my life.

I am back on track, though. Even stuck in this bed I got all my college information updated and will hopefully be taking classes in three weeks. I wager I'll still have trouble going to classes because driving wont be an option, but I will make it work and figure it out with my professors.

Get that degree, save that money, pack up and go west for a fresh start.

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5 hours ago, Deus Ex Aizen said:

...

. . .

 

:blank: So uh...

 

...I have a confession to make. 

I uh...

...I don't like chunky salsa!

THERE. I SAID IT. :aghast:

Chunky salsa is the devil. :imp: Gimme restaurant style. All smooth and non-chunky...

...unless the restaurant serves chunky. Then AAWWAYY with you. :angrier:

Heresy!

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8 hours ago, Spagelo said:

Heresy!

I am the Scarlet Heretic--for my love of strawberry Licorice knows no bounds. Heresy, all the heresy!

 

 

I confess, I overslept because I had one of those bizarre-o, on-going dreams about my cousins, and my necklaces and earrings kept falling apart.

Tempted to go back to sleep, even.

Need all the sleep....

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I confess that it's going to be a terribly long week. ~Laughs~

I'm stuck between helping support people and the promises made to those same folks that my support won't supersede my health.

Truth is, I can't do both, and if I don't push myself, I'm going to end up dead weight and useless...
But If I do push myself, I'm likely to make things worse in the long run.

I hate stupid life balance games.
Adulting sucks.

 

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Every now and then I dream of a girl that I've never met, at least not that I can remember. Her beauty isn't other worldly, but she is attractive. There is something pleasing about the geometry of her face, its angles smooth and pleasant. 

I've dubbed her Jessica, if only because it seems as good a.name as any.

In my dreams I don't have a relationship with Jessica, but she does seem ever so perfect. 

I wonder if it is my mind trying to fabricate what I want or if it is trying to hint at something I am missing.

Regardless, I never feel more lonely until I wake up from dreaming of a girl that never existed.

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I confess that I'm disappointed with my body's limitations.

I confess I'm angry with having been so sick the last few years that recovery is taking a really long time.

I confess that I'm livid that I need to make an absurd  amount of money to see a doctor to follow up with recovery but need to recover before making money to see a doctor to recover to blah blah fucking blah.

I confess that it's taken so much energy to not just break down bawling everytime I'm told that their are jobs here at the staffing agency but I can't do them because I can't safely do so.

I confess that I just want to be able to take care of my basic needs.

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