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59 minutes ago, EpicRome23 said:

Oh sorry, was driving. I'd like suggestions, comments, constructive criticism, stuff that is good and places I can improve. All that sort of thing. You can put those here, or if you prefer, I believe I allowed comments on the doc itself. 

Although I generally like making use of Suggestions, I'll keep comments in this thread. Hopefully future members find any back and forth / comments useful themselves 

- For ease of readability, split the Origin paragraph into two paragraphs
- Purpose: What kind of stories? Does it have any significance that would spread through rumors or is it just that they really like narratives?
- Others: I like the potential story element embedded here
- Personnel: Shadow King and Sibyla - I would go ahead and remove that parenthetical note and maybe make that note an end-result/reward of one of your later detailed quests? So that that discovery becomes something grown out of and integrated into the canon, "gamifying" the "major digging"?

That's all I got, and even that is me going on the hunt for things. I think the fact that it's a relatively short piece of work goes to your favor as it's fairly lean already - not much fat to trim and it all works. Reading it beginning to end I found the area intriguing

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To expand on the purpose, the Shadow King is interested in stories he hasn't heard before. All sorts of stories, for stories contain fragments of facts, of rumor, of secrets. Things that some would vastly prefer to remain hidden. In the innocent guise of a story, these things are more prone to slipping from the mouths of the unwary.

I'm going to add a re-worded version of that to the purpose section, but basically, my idea here is that Neque's goal is to gather information in order to use it against anybody he might find himself up against. Threaten to divulge their secrets, unless they acquiesce to his will.

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