Jump to content
Reinholdt

Yh'mi: Lirrey Lines OOC

Recommended Posts

I’m writing a reply for the thread right now. My favourite part is how you use actions to convey the personality of the mysterious guy. Perhaps because he’s an “outsider”, we as readers don’t have access to his inner feelings, so you had to write everything mostly based on what other characters could see, and it turned out really well. 

For me personally, the first three paragraphs were just a little bit harder to scan because many difficult words were used. It’s totally a personal preference though, but I prefer simple words, and I like fancy words to be reserved for exceptional scenes to deliver a punch. But I know people who like using and reading wordplay, so as I said it’s purely a personal preference. The other paragraphs that follow flow really well for me. I especially love how the guy’s saying “nope” to everything Karuna picked up lol.

Good job overall!

Edited by jaistlyn

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I'm the opposite.  I like dem der fannnncy words.  I mean, you used bequeath appropriately.  That's just downright fun.  Jaistlyn's right, it's just personal preference.  You can have good and bad writing with either method.

One of the traps of the fancy descriptions I think Jaistlyn touched on as well.  The trap that it is easy to get bogged down in a long sentence with a cool descriptor, maybe a marvelous metaphor, to the point it becomes hard to tell what the subject and verb of the sentence even is.  I've certainly fallen for this plenty of times and had to restructure or cut entire sentences, sometimes paragraphs, because of it.  I had a similar feeling when I was trying to parse the first paragraph of the post.  It's a tricky thing to catch and rectify too since it makes perfect sense in YOUR head when you read it.  

Not that any of it was particularly bad.  I thought it was a good post at any rate.  Especially the ending which provided solid content to react to.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Thank you all for the feedback! It certainly gives me new perspective of the results. I do enjoy the word-choice to a fault for that post. The goal was to emulate the personality and intellect of the character through the descriptive writing. I think I might mess around with word choice a bit more to evoke certain emotions, especially for my other characters.

In regards to my next post, I should have it done by the end of the day!

Edited by 1ionFang

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Just the journey through the portal.  I'll keep it quite brief (via extra long post) because things have gone on for a while, but eventful (depending on your definition).  This sort of transportation is still questionable.

That reminds me.  Does Agony ever dream?

Asking for a friend.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That pretty much wraps it up.  Feel free to conclude things in your next post if you'd like.

Doctor Xeyal also promised a reward to everyone (except Sasha) who went through this, if anyone wants to cash in on that.  I know most characters got what they wanted out of the trip already, so body modification by a deranged surgeon might not be the hot ticket item it once was.  But if anyone has another idea, you are still owed for all the hard work.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Very, very nice post @Reinholdt! I always love to learn more about Sasha. I will not be posting for Lunara. 

As for rewards, the use of the portal is already a good one. I think what Lunara and Agony would want to have is an ally of sorts, someone who will give them access and exit from Yh’mi and keep their mouth shut. If anything, I would be interested in continuing their interactions in another thread to find out Xeyal’s goals, loyalties and intentions.

@Dolor Aeternum right?

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

That could certainly work.  Access to a portal is quite useful.

As for what he might know, he has autopsied a fair number of Yh'mi's creatures, especially after the attack on the wall.  He may have a hint at how one of the species communicates.

Or he did help someone connect with Yh'mi/Lirrey once through a questionable amount of hallucinogenic drugs and a coma.  He could describe that procedure in detail and give them notes on what ingredients he used.  Maybe they could refine and repeat the process until they're properly attempting communication with Yh'mi's creatures utilizing astral projections.  I'm sure that comes with its own risks, but it's Yh'mi.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

I think any knowledge about any creature will suffice. I agree the portal is the best reward to further their goals here and perhaps just whatever Intel the Dr. can provide as an asset.

I am also willing to participate in another thread to find out more about Sasha. Agony can relate to the little one, especially after what they saw.

Also, I dont think I have to post any further either but i wouldnt want Agony to leave Karuna without getting her contact info or leaving her a means to contact them unless she wishes to join them for some reason. @1ionFang

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Void Rot is a rough disease.

 

Hah, did Agony also suffer a superhero-esque lab explosion origin story?

Anyways, I'm fine with another thread, though the good Doctor won't like it, I'm sure.

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...

  • Recently Browsing   0 members

    No registered users viewing this page.

×
×
  • Create New...